Satire

7 Job Groups That Should Also Be Reeducated Into Nurses

The government came up with the idea to reeducate public servants into nurses. Our reader found seven other job groups that should also get the reeducation treatment.

Bureaucrats are popular scapegoats in every country and arguably the most popular targets of politicians regardless of party allegiance. This is the one group which can be attacked for both being lazy and overzealous, incompetent and elitist know-it-alls. They can be blamed for everything, from poor waste management to migration. Every politician promises to reduce the number of bureaucrats, but you never hear anyone arguing for fewer doctors, nurses, teachers or even prostitutes. In America public anger is directed against “Washington” in Europe this role is assigned to “Brussels”.

Almost no other group of people is so vilified, with so few defenders. Since they don’t constitute an ethnic or gender minority, it’s politically correct to attack them from all sides. Even gangsters are glorified in “The Godfather” and “Goodfellas”, while bureaucrats get “The Office” and “Parks and Recreation”.

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This is unfair. Despite all it’s faults, modern bureaucracy is essential for a modern state to function. It’s like a hammer which can be used for both fixing and breaking things. Both West and East Germany had bureaucracies, but there was a clear difference between them. A country with a well functioning bureaucracy can even go without a government for a long period of time – just look at Belgium.

My personal experience with Hungarian bureaucrats was actually a pleasant surprise. Most of them were polite, helpful and lot more efficient than the ones I’ve dealt with in privately owned banks. I was perhaps lucky, but I still feel that they deserve some respect and to be defended. If you look at the most pressing issues (many of them mentioned on this blog), they are mostly caused by politicians and their stupidity, not bureaucrats.

The Hungarian government talks about reducing the number of bureaucrats and re-educate them in order to become useful members of society (looks like Orbán learned something from China again). But if we want people with useless jobs to be trained for something purposeful – I suggest that we leave the bureaucrats alone and start with the most unnecessary people.

In Orbán’s illiberal state a lot of professions have become redundant, I propose that the following people should be trained into hospital workers:

1.The President

Signs every law put in front of him, without question. This is a job he can do one day a week, the remaining four can be spent as a nurse. He is also a very good substitute for sleeping pills.

áder jános signs

A meme born the day he signed Lex CEU (Source)

2. Cabinet ministers

Orbán calls all the shots, they don’t decide anything. Decisions can be implemented by skilled bureaucrats, leave out the expensive middle men.

3. Fidesz mayors

See above.

4. Parliament & Constitutional Court

Basically a rubber stamp for Orbán’s laws. They should just declare that posts on Orbán’s Facebook page are laws which are automatically constitutional, and start cleaning hospitals instead.

5. Fidesz-controlled media

It’s pretty obvious that the same five people write all the articles for all the newspapers and online media in the Fidesz media empire. The other 200+ “journalists” are not needed. In the near future an algorithm should be able to do the work of all the “journalists”, just throw in a few keywords in every sentence, like “Soros” and “migrants” if it’s bad news and “Orbán” if the article is about free handouts.

6. Government-backed “think-thanks” such as Századvég and Nézőpont Intézet

No need for a huge staff to recycle the same report over and over, confirming how brilliant Orbán’s policies are and how much the entire world supports him. A single comrade can do it and pocket all the money for the good work. The rest can wash bedpans.

7. The national football team

The reasons should be obvious.

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