This is now normal...

Orbán Moved Into the Royal Castle and History Textbooks

Every politician’s wet dream is to make it into the history books – the kind of textbooks he had learned from. As of 2016, PM Viktor Orbán (53) has made it.


The new, state-issued (and de facto mandatory) history textbook for 12-year-olds contains illuminating insights such as Orbán quotes.

Next #CareerGoal? I thought it would be an equestrian statue by 2017, but I was short-sighted. The #PersonalGoals of unfettered rulers are always racing ahead of the worst nightmares of the helpless minds of their victims – and they are always funded by said victims.

Orbán’s next move back into history was moving into the Royal Castle in Buda.

It wasn’t even a new ambition. He had wet dreams about it back when he was prime minister between 1998-2002, but then he found that the ungrateful public is not ready to swallow this conceited ego trip – yet. So he satisfied himself with an ugly display of hubris instead. He had the Royal Crown moved into the Parliament building.

It was a hugely symbolic move that represented the erosion of the separation of powers. Moving the symbol of monarchy (Hungary is no longer a monarchy) into the seat of legislative power is hugely symbolic, and Orbán most certainly knows it as a law school graduate. The repulsive (and expensive) display of the crown being floated down the Danube has sparked outrage and almost certainly contributed to his election defeat in 2002. Back then, the public didn’t swallow such royal ambitions.

Fast forward to 2018, the year mischievously dubbed “The Year of the Family” by Fidesz. They just didn’t add which family.


Orbán’s slogan put in context. Image: DL Thank you!

After awarding himself another 2/3 supermajority in a hugely dubious election that surprised and shocked everyone, Orbán declared his intention to eliminate the last controls on his power, the media, the civil society, freedom of assembly, and the courts.

He had also made the move to the Royal Castle by Christmas, gleefully posting little Advent clues to his Facebook followers. The Castle district of Buda is not suitable for a modern government office by any standard, but that didn’t stop him from channeling obnoxious amounts of taxpayer money to companies of his friends and family, adding the renovation of the hillside Várkert Bazár, which became famous as the most-inaugurated piece of public monument in modern history.

At that point there was no breath left in Hungarian society, its immune system and spirit of resistance eroded to the point where this behavior could fly. Still, Orbán’s media spent days parroting the words “puritanical” and “cloister” regarding Orbán’s new man-cave, just to be sure. But it didn’t really matter. “Once they decide something, it will happen” wrote a commenter about yet another alarming policy Orbán proposed the other day – and the rest could only agree. This is our attitudeto everything these days. We are even cautious getting outraged. It hurts too much when the outrageous thing happens anyway – and we have lost all concept that something we can do might stop Orbán’s will.

Orbán was so full of himself when he could finally move in into his new pad (because resistance to it was killed off), he couldn’t resist showing it to the chicks. This is a photo of him showing female journalists around under the pretext of women’s day. His hands close to his crotch (as usual), he is bursting from pride (and no doubt lobster-serotonin) as the hen-folks are dutifully admiring the view from his place.

Orbán ceremoniously receives a few journalists to show them his new pad. Photo: his Facebook

He had even answered questions (even though hugely dismissively) and acted like it’s a huge deal and magnanimous of him – even though the prime minister answering journalists should be the normal. His candid answers were more alarming than his silence before. He expressed his displeasure, for instance, that bribes to doctors don’t count into the amount spent on healthcare in international statistics because then they wouldn’t be so bleak. Like that’s the problem, that bribes are not counted…

And whenever he really wanted to patronize a chick, he quipped answers like “how could I, my wife doesn’t allow me”. So great, this country is dominated by women. That’s why so many of them die from domestic violence administered by their blind dogs, and they are blue ad purple from all the decisions they make behind the men. Sure.

All this happened despite the fact that Orbán hasn’t talked to independent media or debated anyone for over a decade because he can’t contain his mouth anymore. When he (falsely) believed he could handle an otherwise friendly Die Welt journo, he called his hypocritical EPP-buddies useful idiots if they don’t support the re-medievalization of Europe along Putin’s guidelines. When you live without feedback or criticism for so long and so out of touch, better not to talk to the media – but hard not to, because you totally believe you can handle it.

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